I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
