dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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