I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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