Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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