my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I could make wine with my vomit
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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