Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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