My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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