have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
