The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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