we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
