Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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