Whod you bang
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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