The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
