If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
