When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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