we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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