how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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