Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
