yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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