Umm I'm too high to move.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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