Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
