I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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