and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
