Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
