I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think your dad took our porno
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
