all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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