It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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