I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
