I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
