Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
