He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
