apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
