Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize