would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
