It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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