I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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