When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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