How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
