I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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