i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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