My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
