We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
