So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
