Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
