He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
