I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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