Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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