You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
