So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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