hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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