drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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