Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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