that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
