I bet he comes in French.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
