dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
