Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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