the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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