Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
