My hand turned me down
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
