Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is the high leading the old right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You ate ashes out of my bong
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
that may or may not have been my penis.
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