I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
