I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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