We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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